24/7 HELPLINE: 1800 123 456
If you are in immediate danger, call 000
You Are Not A ‘Monster’. But, Behaviour Matters.
Many people who use harmful behaviours:
- Feel overwhelmed or angry
- Struggle with jealousy or insecurity.
- Feel out of control.
- Believe they are justified.
- Minimise or deny the impact.
But impact matters more than intention.
If someone feels afraid of you, controlled by you, or intimidated by you - something needs to change.
Behaviours That May Be Harmful
You may want to reflect honestly on whether you:
- Yell, threaten or intimidate.
- Punch walls, break objects or slam doors.
- Monitor someone’s phone or messages.
- Control money or spending.
- Stop someone seeing friends or family.
- Constantly criticise, belittle or humiliate.
- Use guilt, threats or manipulation to get your way.
- Pressure someone sexually.
- Blame the other person for your reactions.
Abuse is not only physical.
Coercive control - patterns of domination and control - is serious and harmful.
Violence Is a Choice
- Stress does not cause violence.
- Alcohol does not cause violence.
- Jealousy does not cause violence.
These may influence behaviour, but violence is a decision.Change is possible. But only with respect, empathy and accountability.
What Real Accountability Looks Like
Accountability means:
- Not blaming the other person.
- Not minimising what happened.
- Not saying “I wouldn’t have done it if…”
- Accepting consequences.
- Committing to structured behaviour change.
- Apologies without change are not accountability.
Why Early Intervention Matters
Controlling behaviours often escalate over time.
What starts with:
- Monitoring.
- Raised voices.
- Emotional pressure.
Can develop into:
- Isolation.
- Threats
- Physical violence.
- The earlier you act, the greater the chance of preventing serious harm.
If You Feel You May Hurt Someone
If you feel out of control or at risk of harming someone:
- Remove yourself from the situation immediately.
- Put physical space between you and the other person.
- Contact a crisis service.
- Seek professional intervention urgently.
- Taking space is not weakness. It is responsibility.
Change Requires Action
Change does not happen through promises alone. It requires:
- Structured programs.
- Honest self-reflection.
- Willingness to be challenged.
- Long-term commitment.
- Blame keeps you stuck. Accountability creates change.
A Final Word
If you are questioning your behaviour, that is a sign of awareness.
But awareness without action allows harm to continue.
If someone feels afraid of you - that matters.
Remember and practise:
RESEPCT
EMPATHY
ACCOUNTABILITY
These are not just values for victim-survivors. They apply to everyone.
How STOP DV Can Support You
Our primary responsibility is to support victim-survivors. However, we believe preventing violence requires respect, empathy and accountability and a willingness by everyone to change their behaviour.
If you are concerned about your behaviour, we can:
Help you understand patterns of coercive control.
Encourage respect, empathy and accountability.
Provide referrals to available programs.
Direct you to professional counselling or specialist services.